Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Social Skills
Yesterday I visited Anna, an invalid friend of mine. She was a little upset. Anna had called her home teacher for some advice, and instead he bombarded her with a tyrade of scriptues, stories of his life, and nonstop preaching which lasted one hour. (a "home teacher" in our church is someone who is assigned to visit you monthly and be an advisor of sorts) She couldn't get in a single word. She felt even more depressed. I assured her that although Brother Hemond was a tremendously nice guy and is scripturally quite knowledgeable, his social skills are, well shall we say, a tad underdeveloped. I received a call that same night which demonstrated his "social skills."

At 1:30 a.m. my phone rang, awakening me from a wonderfully deep sleep. I was a little surprised - I wasn't on call. My mind ran through a gammut of most likely scenarios: I'm pretty sure none of my daughters (or my son for that matter) is pregnant and in labor; No, Ashley is not on her hiking trip yet; Shady is way too smart to be engaged this young. I finally had to conclude the only reason to call a person at 1:30 am would be for a medical emergency. Right? Big fat wrong! The dialogue follows:

Me: Hello?
Voice on the other end: Sister Reed? This is Brother Hemond.
Me: Brother Hemond? What's wrong? (thinking the worst)
Brother Hemond: Did you want Sister Benavidez' phone number?
Me: Yes, I do believe I left a message to that effect on your answering machine yesterday morning at 10 a.m.
Brother Hemond: Well I have it. Do you have a pen?
Me: (rather irritated) No, not here in bed with me.
Brother Hemond: Oh, should I call back and leave the number on your answering machine?
Me: Yes, well, no now that everyone is awake, why don't I just jump up and get a pen.

Note to self: Never ask Brother Hemond for phone numbers, addresses, or advice.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Empty-Nest Syndrome
As of June 23, 2006 I am officially an "empty-nester." Yes, BYU has gobbled up the last of my six children. It is a great adventure for her, a bittersweet milestone for me. I eagerly watch my granddaughters as they reach each developmental milestones. "Wow, she can sit up. Hooray, she is reaching." Why am I not cheering this one? Perhaps I need to look on the bright side of things. In the spirit of optimism I have created a top ten list of reasons being an empty-nester isn't so bad. Here goes:
10. I have made friends with the cat. Yes, I even change her litter box and give her food. She occasionally will sit on my lap. Actually, she is sitting on my lap as we speak, or I write. "Ow! Those claws are sharp. Get down, you stupid animal! " Oops.
9. I can now go get my clean clothes out of the dryer in my underwear. Don't try to imagine it, because it's not a pretty sight, but I actually CAN.
8. I ALWAYS have a turn at the computer and I am always logged on.
7. Drug rep dinners are now an option. Yes, drug reps get paid to invite physicians out to expensive dinners. Problem before was I would rather go home to be with my daughter. Now that option just reminds me that I'm alone. Free food is always a plus.
6. Cooper now likes me best. Well, only when I'm the only one home, but that is a substantial portion of the time.
5. I have a kayak all to myself. I even can go in the garage and sit in it if I want and pretend that I'm out kayaking. (much easier than lifting it onto my car by myself to actually take it out in the water)
4. My husband gets all of the attention now. I think this is the main reason the empty nest syndrome is easier on men than women. He's actually taking it quite well.
3. My kids call more often now!
2. I have more extra time to create a blog.
and the last and most important benefit . . .
1. I never have to do this again. I have now sent six children off to college. Each time I feel a part of me has left with them. This is the last one. I miss you guys!