Dad
My dad turned 77 this weekend. Since he lives in Utah I wasn't able to visit him for his birthday. He has accomplished quite a bit in 77 years. He raised seven children, one of which is me, so that's quite a feat. He has served a mission for our church beginning in Guam and ending in Washington State. Both he and my mom have worked for over 20 years in the temple. He has become an expert gardener, and even makes his own grapejuice from the concord grape patch in the backyard. He ran a lawncare business for many years and was well-known for teaching kids how to work. To him I owe my work ethic. Dad is opinionated, stubborn, and fiercely independent. Those strong traits managed to get passed on to me. He loves to share his expertise, but I rarely ask for advice. Last year I had a problem I thought he could help with.

I planted tomatoes in my backyard and was frustrated because the squirrels in the woods behind our home kept eating them. I tried everything, mesh, wiring, fence and nothing helped. In desperation I went to my dad for advice. He offered three suggestions:
1. You could put poison out in the yard disguised as food. When they eat it and die, spread their dead carcasses around as a warning to the other squirrels. Hopefully Coop dog won't die first.
2. Try using large rat traps baited with a favorite treat. Again, leave the carcasses out.
3. Set Lindsey on the deck with a shotgun and have her pick them off as they try to steal the tomatoes. (One large red blast and I wouldn't have to worry about tomatoes, squirrels, or anything but repairing my back fence)

Thanks for the advice dad! I didn't use it but it was entertaining.
Happy Birthday!

FREE!
I'm free! I'm free! I'm free! Free! Free!
And I didn't have to tie her up with 20 lbs of dynamite around her neck.
All I did was take her to Ramon (my new best friend) along with 5 tons of catfood, catnip, and accessories.
This is what we call a win/win/win situation. Ramon wins - he loves cats. Pedro wins - Ramon loves cats. And best of all - I win - I'm free! (and sane)